Quick post !!

Hi,

How are you today?

Want to what is okay? I shall tell you what is okay. It is okay that you are sitting inside your room doing absolutely nothing at all and reflecting on what you have done through out your life till this day. Because in all honestly that is what I am doing now. And it is perfectly fine.

Every once in a while any kind of individual needs to sit down and have some bigger picture thought in their head. You as an individual, putting everything and everyone aside, need to think about yourself, your life and what you have planned for the future. Okay not necessarily planned, maybe thought of, is that better?

I am sitting right here in my room thinking of what has happened to me. I joined a program last year besides my internships and my extra subjects (Which oppose to my fright, I actually got good grades YEEY), anyhow, the consultancy program I joined was a roller coaster for me, I was up at the beginning but wanted to surely quit it at the end, don't get me wrong though, I still gave it the time of the day and did my work as one of my group mates was my friend and never stopped pushing to finish the program. The point is it taught me to be patient, to do my job no matter how much I hated it because to be honest I was actually good at it. Consultancy also taught me to have a wider view of whats happening and not to keep my mind close to whatever I am surrounded to; And guess what WE WON !!!!!! great ha !

That aside, I am not enjoying my life at the moment, I see myself saying yes to almost everything and pilling up my plate with unnecessary options. I am doing that because I still have no idea what I want to do besides leaving Bahrain and singing.

I thought of starting a YouTube channel and have stated it out loud that I would, But then I came to realization that I am financially not capable and personally I really can't sing infront of people as my dad might end up disowning me or beating me up. (He is not a bad father, It is just that his beliefs are different than mine).

I want to someday be free, I know deep down I will. I just have to stand tall and have faith that I will be able to fight to my life and to fight for myself.


Happy day everyone.

My supposedly new year post...

Hello Hello people,

I am so sorry I have been out lately, well I haven’t been on this blog for”lets be honest” more than a while, I have been caught up with internships and extra subjects I have taken this semester, lets recap what have happened to me this year.

1. 1.       I GOT CAUGHT: yet you read that right ,I got caught by my dad doing this he doesn’t believe in such as drinking, smoking, hanging around gay people “ which are my best  buds” which he thought were my boyfriends, caught going to clubs and doing normal teenage wild stuff, well they aren’t that wild but you get my drill here. And that all led him to losing his trust in me and being very strict, I understand that completely and whether I am complaining or not, to be honest I have brought this upon me for not being more careful and all the lies I said made even worse.
2. 2.       Made friends and lost friends: I have truly made a lot of friends this year even though I tried to distance myself from a lot of people because I didn’t want them to get caught up with the drama that my life was pouring, first I made friends not necessarily new people, perhaps they were acquaintance at some point but are now some of my good trusted friends. I lost friends, meaning dint completely lost contact with them, more like we stopped being there for each other even if we were in the same room we would talk but aren’t friends anymore, there is no trust, no dependence, and mostly no loyalty or care about each other, which sucks to be honest specially if you have known them for a very long time, maybe someday who knows we would reconnect but as far as I see it right now, I cant trust them yet with my own life.
3. 3.       Stood up for myself and my beliefs: this is a very huge step for me, I am slowly taking charge of, I have changed as a person when it comes to beliefs and values, my mentality have completely changed, as an observant, I have seen and I have understood, I have felt and I have balanced it in my mind and heart. You don’t change in one night, it takes time for people to be who they are, it takes hardships and experiences whether good or bad to make a person who they are now, while standing tall. And hopefully I will keep on standing tall for my beliefs and value to whoever it is infront of me whether it’s a family, friend or a stranger, one step at a time.
4. 4.       In and out of shallow relationships: those hook ups and dates, they get tiring, you say that if could do it, avoid using feelings with those hook ups, but somehow you get caught up with one single action from the other party. Those one time two time dates, those are very tiring as well, no matter how much a person tries not to expect something out of it, you honestly end up feeling something, and it depends as well what kind of a person you are sensitive or not, it all comes down to how you cover it up but not really not feel it, because you will at the end of the day, in your bed, be flooded with emotions and there my friend is where perspectives, ideas and a whole lot of changing happens to a person.